At last the sun has come out in Cadcove. For the first time in a week, I can see out the window - I'm sure they've had better weather in London, but one must not be bitter. Lots has happened since my last bulletin. The house has been full of builders (some hot, some not) and we've been converting the net loft (Londoners read 'Cornish garage') into an alternative bar for the good folk of Cadcove. This, of course, was Dickie's idea after he fell out with the local landlord- Fit-Pete at the French House, the only pub in Cadcove - and in the spirit of healthy competition, or the fact he's been banned, Dickie's decided to open up a new 'exclusive' drinking club - members only. Right on. Fit-Pete is not to be messed with, - and as he's 'Fit' because he lifts weights, rather than being ripped and chiselled, everything's very clandestine. I am determined to run the members only list before Dickie dominates the venture, so all applications through my FB page please.
It's going to be finished in time for the Jubilee and I'm assured it will look like the Groucho. I have often thought that Cadcove would be perfect with the Groucho Club and Nobu and maybe one or two black cabs and of course, the Evening Standard oh and a petit Selfridges food hall, but first things first. I need to steal some staff from the French House or I'm left with Moll (would there be any drinks left) or Nanny-with-wings (who will look after the children). Problem is, all Fit-Pete's girls are pretty loyal so I'm going to have to be cunning to poach them. Next problem of course is what to drink, I would like the 'Cadcove Cellar' -working title, to serve cocktails - you know The 'Uncosmopolitan' the 'Lucinda Dare Devil' An 'M5/A30' to replace the 'B52' and a 'Cadcovita' to replace a margarita. Dickie on the other hand would like to serve Hooch.
Due to its' dodgy legal status, Dickie wants to excavate into the cliff wall behind the net loft and have a secret hooch production room which he and 'the lads' will run. My problem with this, on top of the risk of incarceration, and the wrath of Fit-Pete, is that the cliff itself supports the right wing of the Cadcove bay, without it, I worry that our house and the homes of our neighbours, Petey the harbour master and Vicky and Mary Brendo - the hardcore intellectual socialist lesbians from Hackney's holiday home into the sea. Dickie thinks it is worth the risk as smugglers have been burrowing through the cliff for centuries and we'll probably find a cave or two which will be perfect for Hooch production room. Dylan, (Dickie's second son: marriage two) who's studying mining, is coming round this afternoon with some dynamite and some 'uni buds' to do the job, because 'They're cheap' Dickie tells me.
I, on the other hand, am going to a Parish Council meeting with Susan Marksfield, I'm doing really well and they are going to let me chair my own meeting next month - as long as I 'show my face in church'. I need to do this as I have spoken to the Conservatives in Exeter and they will let me run for a parliamentary seat (get me!) in 2015 as long as I have been a councillor and I can run for a council seat as long as I have run a local organisation - that being the Parish Council, not the Cadcove Cellar - obviously. And of course if I do win a parliamentary seat I get a free flat in London and hip hip hooray I am back in the Borough, well Zone 1 anyway. This is why it is absolutely essential that I am not caught with a Hooch production brewery in the back garden or responsible for several houses falling into the sea.
I will keep you posted...
